Most of us have had sex somewhere other than at home in bed at least once in our lives. We are all interested in sex in strange places so a little research revealed the following.
On a pool table in the pub. Which wouldn’t be so strange, except that the pub was open at the time. It was really busy.
I lost my virginity behind the police station.
On the desk in the office of a nightclub, with the nightclub owner’s girlfriend – but not with the nightclub owner. He felt left out and barred me. If you’re going to get barred from a club, do it in style.
In the middle of a local park on a sunny Saturday afternoon, amid the long ferns, dog walkers and casual hikers.
Under the table at a dinner party while everyone wondered why we were so late and debated eating without us. We’d had an argument that managed to clear the room of humans and ended up with us under the table. As so often happens, fighting turned to sexy times. Everyone thought we had gone outside, so they trickled back in and sat down to eat while we tried to dress while suppressing hysterical laughter and trying not to bump into anyone’s legs.
Not me personally, but I was woken up by a young couple having sex on the steps leading up to my house. The girl seemed less bothered about being caught than the lad she was straddling. We found her passport at the bottom of the garden. It must have fallen out of her bag. It turned out the guy she was fucking was friends with the neighbors at the time. We told them we had her passport and the guy eventually collected it.
On a top bunk in a men’s dormitory in a hostel, with a guy whose dick was so not worth it.
Public phone booth at 3am, on a main road with a steady stream of traffic.
Norwegian literature section of a major university research library.
On the roof of a hotel. I was dressed as Batman at the time.
On a river bank while on a Sunday school outing.
Against a wall of the Church of St Mary Magdalene.
My friend was once at it in a car in a pub car park. A thief broke in and hot-wired it while they were in the back seat. She hit him over the back of the head with her shoe.
On a public footpath running through a National Park. I had to pretend I was looking at the bluebells as an old couple ambled past in hiking gear.
In the middle of a stone circle in rural Ireland and a party of German tourists turned up halfway through. They all gathered round their tour guide and pretended they hadn’t seen us, although we were only about three feet away.
In the elevator of a Holiday Inn.
In the cubicles at a holiday park swimming pool. The place was packed and we couldn’t find a family-sized cubicle, so our girls went in one and me and the husband went in another. Well, we were alone, naked, locked in a small space. It was bound to happen.
Walking home from the bar we passed a house playing really groovy music, so we did it on their car which was parked on the drive.
Town center bus station at 5pm, discreet unoccupied waiting room on the flip-up seats.
New York City Library. Yes it was open.
Up a tree. Not against the tree, up the tree. It seemed like a bright idea at the time, to avoid CCTV cameras. It was a bit scratchy.