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UNIMPRESSED moms have revealed the oddest things their partners have ever done in bed, and it sounds like there are some seriously strange fellas out there.

Taking to Mumsnet, disgruntled women have shared their most cringeworthy sexual experiences – some of which are so excruciating that they ended relationships for good. 

One user, lottieandmia, started the conversation off with the confession that her partner has an unusual facial spasm every time he’s on the edge.  She wrote: “The first time it happened I thought he might be having a stroke! But no, it was just a thing he did.  “Another one said ‘I’m yours, you’re mine’ over and over with every thrust – after that performance he never saw me again!”

A mom posting under the name NotTheFordType revealed that one of her partners has an unusual catchphrase.

She wrote: “I’ve got one guy who exclaims “Holy macaroni!” at the point of orgasm.”  But the cringe doesn’t end there, with the same woman revealing that a very posh partner would always shout in his public school voice: “Here it comes. HERE. IT. COMES,” as he finished up.

An even stranger experience was shared by a user called VoyageofDad, who wrote: “I knew a guy who used call out random bits of kitchenware. ‘Kenwood mixer’. ‘Ceramic hob’ etc.”  And on the other end of the spectrum, one woman wrote: “Had one who didn’t make a single noise. Most disconcerting. Didn’t see him again.” 

One user shared another legendary sexual catchphrase to rival “holy macaroni”.  Saleorbouy wrote: “After a friend took back a girl from the club they ended up in the bedroom.  “Naked on all fours on the bed she turned to say ‘Non’ of yer fancy stuff, just horse it into me!'”

Interesting Links

Intimate Washing

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