Have you been caught fake moaning? Or has the person you have been with decided to go all out with the strange moves? Has anyone ever walked in on you half way through the action?
We bet you’ve experienced all of these moments.
1. Weird talking
Talking dirty is great, but not always that great when met with a stone cold silence. You’ve started it, you’re into the swing of things, and suddenly the other person is pretending that they have gone temporarily deaf.
Do you continue? Or do you stop?
Best lower it a whisper, so it’s a mixture of continuing and stopping.
Never planned, always accidental, but once it has happened there is no turning back.
Either make a joke out of it, or run away.
3. Awkward positions
Thanks to porn there is a misconception that the average non-gym going, non-yoga practising person can do all that acrobatic fancy stuff.
Sadly this is not the case, and you will be maneuvered into an awkward position that will make you feel like you’re playing a game of naked Twister.
4. Funny faces
You know that smouldering sex face that you make, that you think looks super hot and mysterious?
You look like you’ve stubbed your big toe.
5. Falling asleep
Nothing shatters your confidence like someone falling asleep on you.
Initially you thought that they were closing their eyes to get into the zone, but when you heard a few gentle snores, and you were mortified.
6. Fake moans
No-one is fooled with these. They are high pitched, over dramatic and repetitive.
Next time don’t bother, and gently offer your partner some tips instead.
7. General weird noises
Grunts, heavy breathing, long moans and the occasional squeal.
Basically anything other than the soft sensual sounds you were expecting.
8. Drunken sex
Yep, that sexy strip tease you did after a few cocktails was actually you hopping around trying to get a sock off.
9. Not getting turned on
No matter how much you are trying, things down there are simply not responding to the situation.
There is no faking it, and the best thing to do is be totally honest and try again later.
10. Someone walking in
There you are, going at it, and suddenly you hear the door creak and you think nothing of it. A few seconds later you look over and you are horrified to see your flatmate standing frozen in the doorway holding your post for you.
You can never look this person in the eye again.
11. The wrong name
Fantasizing about other people during sex is normal, but once you let out someone else’s name it will not end well.
Ah, another peril of drunken sex.
All that motion, coupled with the booze in your system and the dodgy chips you had at 3am are about to collide in a messy pile of puke everywhere. Lovely.
13. No orgasm
Having sex and not experiencing an orgasm is like going to a buffet and only having one course.
Seriously, what is even the point?